


Telling Lexi

by Persephone Rose (Likemycoffee)



Series: Deaf Ben Series [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Deaf Character, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22899412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likemycoffee/pseuds/Persephone%20Rose
Summary: Ben tells Lexi that he is deaf.
Relationships: Ben Mitchell & Lexi Pearce, Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Deaf Ben Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1656511
Comments: 6
Kudos: 181





	Telling Lexi

‘Hey,’ Callum said, tapping Ben’s arm so that his boyfriend turned to look at him. ‘You alright?’

‘Yeah,’ Ben replied. ‘Don’t know why I feel so nervous.’

‘It’ll be fine you know?’ Callum said softly. ‘She’s a good kid.’

‘I know,’ Ben nodded. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Callum’s lips, letting himself be pulled into his embrace. 

It made Ben’s heart melt whenever he thought about just how amazing Callum had been through all of this. He’d never wavered once in his support, first pushing Ben to go and get checked out at the hospital; being with him through all the tests and then being there to comfort him when his worst fears were confirmed. 

He’d been by his side when he’d told his family and seen all their reactions, from Lola and Jay’s immediate supportive hugs to his mum’s tears; Ian’s stoic pat on the back and his dad’s awkward, uncomfortable silence. Telling those people had been fairly easy on reflection, but now he’d decided it was time to explain everything to Lexi and Ben was more afraid of her reaction than anyone else’s, but it had to be done. 

It was getting increasingly difficult to pretend. Lexi was clever and perceptive. She knew that something wasn’t right with him and like Callum had said that morning, it had to be better to tell her the truth than to have her worrying that something even more serious was wrong with him. Ben definitely agreed with that, but he was worried that when he told Lexi she would look at him differently. He didn’t think he could bear that. 

Ben felt Callum move suddenly to break the embrace and he realised the front door must have opened. A moment later and Lexi was upon him, rushing to give him a hug. He hugged her back and he could feel her talking to him, he could feel the vibration of her chest; her breath against his ear, but the sounds were indistinguishable. He moved her gently away from him and looked at her face trying to discern the words... something about ‘nice’ or was it ‘science?’ No. She was talking so fast, the way she always did when she was excited. He felt his heart clench. In that moment he wished, more than anything that he could hear Lexi’s voice, just Lexi’s. Even if he never heard anything at all, ever again, he wished he could just hear his daughter excitedly telling him about her day at school. 

‘Lexi,’ he said. ‘Come and sit down a minute. There’s something I need to talk to you about.’

He saw her puzzled frown, she looked down at her feet. Her mouth was moving but he couldn’t see properly. He looked at Callum for help. 

‘No, Daddy isn’t going anywhere, Lexi,’ Callum answered for him and Ben realised what her question had been. 

‘No baby, I promised didn’t I? I’m staying right here,’ Ben told her. ‘Come here,’ he pulled Lexi up to sit on his lap and she leaned against his chest. 

‘I need to tell you something important alright?’

He saw her nod. 

‘So you know how Daddy has problems with his hearing?’

Again, Lexi nodded. She knew all about his hearing aid, she’d found it fascinating when she was younger. 

‘Ok and you remember, a little while ago, when there was the accident on the boat...’ he saw her expression turn sad. She knew he meant the accident when Denny had died. He continued, ‘... Well in that accident, Daddy banged his head and... it did some damage to my ears. What it means is that I can’t hear properly anymore, because I’m deaf.’

Lexi was silent and she sat for a moment looking at him closely and then she slowly got up from Ben’s lap and walked away, up the stairs, saying nothing. Ben looked at Callum, and was met with a confused expression that he knew mirrored his own. 

‘What happened?’ Lola asked, appearing from the kitchen where she’d been waiting with Jay, clearly listening. 

‘I don’t know,’ Ben replied and he was about to get up and follow Lexi upstairs but then suddenly she was back, carrying with her a pad of paper. She handed it to Ben and he immediately saw that it was her favourite pink coloured note pad that he’d bought her on a whim from the market a few months ago, that she saved for drawing her ‘best pictures’ on. Ben looked down at the paper and saw that Lexi had written across the top of the page in her neatest handwriting, ‘I love you Daddy. From Lexi’ and then a small row of kisses and love hearts underneath. 

Ben felt his eyes fill with tears. He couldn’t stop himself. Lexi ran to him and he pulled her into a hug, she wrapped her arms around his neck and he kissed her head as he blinked the tears back. 

‘I love you baby,’ Ben said. Lexi smiled and reached for the pad again, pulling a pen from her pocket and she turned to a new page and wrote, ‘will you always be deaf now?’ then she held it up so he could see. 

Ben’s jaw dropped as he realised what she was doing. ‘Baby, you don’t need to write everything down. You can still talk to me.’

Lexi frowned and looked at her Dad frowning. ‘But how do you know what I’m saying?’ she said and Ben lip read that question perfectly. 

He swallowed a lump in his throat but he was determined not to fall apart. He needed Lexi to understand he was still her Dad, nothing would ever change that. 

‘I can’t hear you but I can lip read if you’re looking at me and you don’t talk too fast.’

Lexi nodded, her expression serious. 

‘Do you know sign language?’ she asked. 

Ben looked at Callum briefly, this had been something of a sore spot for them. 

‘I’m going to try to learn,’ Ben admitted. ‘I need to practise.’

‘I’ll help you,’ Lexi said confidently. 

‘I know baby,’ Ben said. ‘I’m counting on it.’

‘It’d be cool to know sign language,’ Lexi said and then she frowned again as another thought occurred to her. ‘Will you still be able to do dancing with me?’ she asked. 

Ben sucked in a breath and bit his lip. He didn’t answer. Dancing with Lexi was secretly, one of his favourite things to do, helping choreograph her routines and just mucking about teaching her new moves...

He felt Callum take his hand, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on the skin. Ben turned towards his boyfriend. 

‘Of course he will,’ Callum answered for him with absolute certainty. ‘Little thing like this isn’t going to stop your Dad dancing with you is it?’

‘No,’ Lexi shook her head and smiled happily, resting back against Ben’s chest again, he gave her a squeeze. 

Ben felt a warmth spreading through him. He glanced up and saw Lola and Jay watching him from the doorway. Lola gave him a thumbs up sign and he smiled at her. 

***

Later on, when Lexi was tucked up in bed, Ben and Callum retreated back across the Square to the safe sanctuary of Callum’s flat. Ben was settling down on the sofa, wrapping himself in Callum’s comfy hoodie when Callum came in with two cups of tea and sat next to him, pressing their thighs together, sliding an arm around his shoulders. 

Ben felt the need to constantly be touching Callum these days, and Callum was exactly the same. They each wanted a physical reminder that the other was there; was safe. The terror they had both felt during Callum’s abduction was still raw; they were still healing. 

Ben looked round when he felt Callum touch his hand and saw that his boyfriend was holding a pink piece of paper in his hand. He passed it to Ben. 

‘Just in case you need reminding sometimes,’ he said and Ben looked at the piece of paper, saw Lexi’s handwritten note and then he saw another line had been added underneath in an equally familiar scrawl. ‘And don’t forget I love you too - Callum’. 

Ben grinned, feeling unbelievably touched. He folded the piece of paper up and slipped it inside his wallet, behind the photograph of him and Lexi. 

He looked at Callum’s face; his eyes shining and his warm, genuine smile. Ben loved him. He loved him so much. 

Nervously, Ben lifted up his hands and slowly, as Callum watched, he pointed to himself, then he placed both hands one on top of the other, over his heart and then pointed at Callum. 

Callum smile widened. ‘I love you too.’ He spoke slowly, taking care to pronounce the words clearly. 

‘I am going to learn,’ Ben said quietly. 

Callum nodded. ‘Well Lexi’s definitely up for helping,’ Callum replied. ‘And I am too.’

Ben nodded. ‘I know... and I mean it you know. I love you.’

Callum kissed Ben softly. There was still a long way to go before he’d feel normal again, Ben knew that, he was still healing and so was Callum; but at least they were healing together.


End file.
